It's Showtime!

Don’t you just love it when a writer makes you feel like you’re right inside the story? You are THERE, in the scene with the characters. Next time you read something that transports you, stop and take a look at how the writer practiced the skill of SHOW DON’T TELL.

Telling, instead of showing, comes out flat. For example:

It was a windy afternoon with a dark and threatening sky. The clouds were thick and grey over the canyon and soon it began to thunder.

Showing makes it more alive:

The wind roared up the canyon that afternoon, whipping dry cottonwood leaves into dancing whirls of yellow. Dark clouds rolled in soon after, bringing deeper and deeper rumbles of thunder.

 Here are some ways to SDT (Show Don’t Tell):

USE VIVID, ACTIVE VERBS:

Notice in the second selection the verbs: roared, whipping, dancing, rolled. See how they replaced the weak use of the “to be” verbs? You can’t always avoid using ‘was,’ ‘were,’ ‘is’, ‘are,’ in your writing, but watch for opportunities to replace them with more vivid verbs that help paint the picture and show the action.

Here’s an exercise:

Take this simple sentence: Henry walked into the room.

Now substitute “walked” with a different movement verb:

plodded, snuck, crept, skipped, danced, tiptoed, rushed, pranced, edged.

Do you see a different picture of Henry with the new verbs?

The more vivid verb shows not only his movement, but also how he feels.

USE THE FIVE SENSES:

Sight: What does your protagonist see? Include details:

By now I could make out some glass canning jars on the shelves, some fishing rods and rakes up in the rafters, tools on a workbench…

Sound: What sounds might there be? The whisper of wind, a gurgling stream, children’s laughter, a creak of a floorboard, the scurry of mice feet, the distant barking of a dog.

Smell: Are there distinct smells? Acrid smoke, sweet orange blossoms, bacon frying, dusty air, sweaty socks.

Touch: Does your character rub the goose bumps on his arms? Does he swipe a drop of sweat from his brow? If walking barefoot, is the path bumpy or sandy? Does the upholstery feel scratchy?

Taste: This is harder to work in, except when writing about someone eating or drinking. But don’t overlook a dry mouth when scared, a sour taste when sick, the sweet stickiness of blood on the tongue, the salty taste of skin.

USE DIALOGUE:

Watch for places where you tell what characters are saying to each other. Seize that opportunity for the reader to hear them instead.

Telling:

Robbyn had fallen off the swing and was crying, blaming me. But I wasn’t anywhere near her. Of course, she had to complain to Dad.

Showing:

“Why did you push me off?” Robbyn wailed.

“I didn’t. I wasn’t anywhere near you.”

She stuck out her tongue. “I’m telling Daddy.”

“Go ahead. Be a baby.”

Finally, if you’re writing from a single point of view and want to express how another character feels, that character must SHOW those feelings to your point of view character. They can show their feelings either through actions (crying, frowning, grinning, glaring, stomping out the room, dancing, slamming a door, etc.) or they can speak about them through dialogue. (“I’m so angry!”  “I’m delighted.”)

So, let the show begin! Keep these tips in mind as you write, but especially when you edit. Your readers will enjoy the ride so much more!